Hello people,

In between all the chaos we are facing these days, I got a call from my oncologist couple of days ago.

It was Sunday morning, and I was watching TV and resting amidst this Corona outburst. The call alarmed me. I never get calls directly from the doctor. He is quiet senior doctor in Princess Margaret Hospital, and in the last three years of interaction with him, he never called me. I was always entertained by the nurse on calls or emails. Therefore, my monkey mind got super anxious as soon as I saw his name flashing on my mobile. I panicked and went running  to my husband.

‘Hey Listen! Dr. Lui is calling!’

‘Okay! Pick up the call.’

I received the call with a heavy heart, and fearful mind.
And here he was calling me to ask if I was doing well, if I am on self-isolation mode. He sounded worried, for me, and for the patients like me. According to him currently the virus is more serious threat than Cancer itself. Therefore, just to keep me safe and isolated, he would move my appointment to a further date.

What a relief! Phew!

In between our conversation he was typing something when I asked, ‘Are you in the hospital?’

‘Yes. We have to keep you guys safe’.

Somehow it clicked. My heart filled with so much of gratitude for my doctor. While many of us were staying at home considering these days as public holidays, the hospital staff was working day and night just so that they could keep people like us shielded!

Gratitude will shift you to a higher frequency, and you will attract much better things.Rhonda Byrne

I remember when I was kid, it was part of my early training that I should say ‘Thank you‘ even when I didn’t mean it or understand the reason for this gesture. And somehow in this forceful practice, the word lost it’s meaning. It became an automatic response to any situation that benefited me. I hardly even took time to realize many other hidden blessings that specific situation was carrying.

Just as ‘How are you‘ came naturally, so was ‘Thank you’.

 While I kept taking things for granted though with few visible changes after my Cancer diagnosis,  something which affected me deeply was my inability to move just because of my new treatment (last October). I would keep lying down in bed, and would keep waiting for those ‘good’ days when I could move even a little bit, may be to a park nearby at least! And that day would be my ‘day out’ event. Thankfully, just after I returned from my meditation retreat, the 10 days break and healing gave me enough energy to look forward to my life. To move my ass!

All thanks to the teaching and practice! (And I really mean it!)

Human perception is very powerful. It is limited, and it narrows down our vision. Our brain gets conditioned to see the ‘bad’, it blurs everything. You miss seeing that beautiful painting just because you are focusing on the walls which are rusty! Here is an interesting thing though. I have been doing many things unconsciously which I feel have helped me to feel grateful. See it this helps you!

  • Appreciate people if nothing else: I remember my every walk in Cancer Hospital because I am scared like anything. Even if it is a normal blood work, as soon as my legs climb the stairs, the mind starts pushing it in another direction. My inner child screams, ‘I don’t want to go there!‘ and the heart cries. In those moments of fear, I put my courageous face forcefully, and give compliments to unknown people. Like while filling the form at registration desk I try to compliment the receptionist for her earrings, bracelets or whatever I feel like. I have taken extra efforts by buying coffee for them, or asking them if they need anything to eat. The smile which follows gives me a rush of appreciation for myself. I thank the universe for I became the source of someone’s joy. (Not me, not me on left!)

 

 

  • Can you see the polar opposite of what you see?: While it’s tough to be thankful for every little thing like walking, breathing, I have observed that something which helps me to be thankful is to see the polar opposite of things.
    1. Like I feel grateful that even though I am undergoing Cancer treatment, I did not go through traditional chemo, and I am on chemo pills. I am thankful to be medical team, and the recent research in medical science which helped me to experience easy treatment, and live more energetically.
    2. I am grateful that I live in country which has wonderful medical system, as my medicines are very costly, and I could never afford that in my life.
    3. I feel thankful to my husband who supported me in all this chaos especially when I see those people dealing with this shit alone while managing their household chores too.
  • Going back to the memory lane: There are days I don’t feel grateful for anything. I feel like my life is sinking, and I do not see anything to look forward to. In those moments of despire, I try to relive all those moments when I WAS happy.  I recreate those scenes, and try to feel everything again. And it makes me feel good! If not for the present moment, for the past at least! (Throwback to 2016 when we went to see fall colors! Yes, its me!)
  • Sitting outside: There are many dreadful days when I can’t walk much. I love walking in the park, or in the trail but many days my condition does not permit to do so. For those days, sitting in the balcony helps. A gentle breeze of air touching my body makes me feel like the nature is asking me to calm down. Even if there isn’t anything special going on in my life, the air makes me feel special by holding me up in those tough days!

 

In Indian culture, there is a concept of praying with beads. I remember, my aunt would sit in the home temple and would count 108 beads, while remembering God or divinity. While she used it to make sure that her counting is correct, I have these mental beds which I don’t use daily but every other day when I feel low, when I feel there is nothing to look forward to, and when I miss the charm in my life.

 

In the current moment of chaos, and confusion, I have so many beads to count…beads representing my friends who give me company, beads for I have my family healthy and stable during this outbreak, beads for I have such an amazing support from my oncologist and hospital, beads representing the people who are supplying us with food plus other necessities, and much more!

What does you beads represent?

May we all be safe, and sound during this testing times…

Love and peace always,

Ankita

 

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